It’s time for the final five to become the final four, and I’m putting my money on Romeo. Yes, Ralph received the lowest scores from the judges, but Ralph has the advantage of not plugging some stupid movie or album or whatever the hell anytime a microphone gets stuck in his face. Sure, Ralph may not have a movie or an album to promote right now, but you know what? I don’t know, because he hasn’t been FLOGGING anything. Romeo makes me feel like I’m watching the infomercial version of “DWTS,” so I really don’t care if he does a decent cha cha. I TiVo through the commercials for a reason, dammit. [Full recap of Tuesday's (May 10) "Dancing with the Stars" results after the break...] Anyway, let’s get this pointlessly long party started. Len requests Kirstie and Maks repeat their smoldering Argentine tango. Is it wrong to say they’re a cute couple? Yes, Kirstie’s 60 friggin’ years old, but she has the hair extensions of a much younger woman. So, the first couples on the block are Kirstie & Maks and Hines & Kym. Kym compliments Hines on his booty. And she wants a ring on her finger if they win the mirror ball. Hines just laughs. Chad Ochocinco and his baubles ruined it for everyone. Oh yay, they’ve dragged out the old Dance Center parody. Granted, it’s not the worst waste of time on “DWTS,” but it isn’t Sport Center (best commercials ever, by the way). Kenny Mayne and Jerry Rice are game to look like idiots in pseudo dance attire, but you can tell this whole routine is a bit thrown together. I’d love it if the stats sheets stayed on the screen long enough for us to read them, as they’re funnier than the rest of the routing. In short, they declare that Kirstie is old and she babbles, while Romeo does everything for the children (sometimes for the troops, but mostly the children) and needs to lose some fat from his excessively chiseled abs. Len Goodman sits at the table and largely looks lost. Really, I think
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